Let’s Hear Something Funny…
One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out. The ant asked, “What do I get in return?” The elephant replied, “If you get it out, I’ll have sex with you.” So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says “OK it’s out, are you ready?”.
The elephant thinks, “Hey, what’s a little ant gonna do anyways?” The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant’s head. “Ouch” screams the elephant, and the ant responds, “Yeah take it all bitch.”
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought.
He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his Landrover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the Landrover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. 
He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. “No,” she says, “they’re all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the horn.”
One day I was in a queue at the airport waiting to check-in for my flight to Pittsburgh. I couldn’t believe the size of the desk agent’s tits!! They were huge and she wasn’t too bad looking either. By the time I got to desk, I had been staring at her for at least a good 20 minutes. When I got to the desk, she said: -”Hi, can I help you?” -”Hi, yes, I’d like my picket to Tittsburgh” was my answer.
Realizing what I had just said, I blushed and apologized and made my request properly. When I sat down in my seat in the plane, the gentleman sitting beside me recognized me and told me that he had overheard my little slip up with the desk agent. He said: -”That was pretty funny” -”Quite embarrassing” I said. -”It’s no big deal, it was just a Freudiing Slip. Just this morning I did the same thing with my wife” -”You did” I said -”Yeah, I was sitting at the breakfast table with her, and what I meant to say was please pass me the salt dear; and what I actually said was you ruined my life you fucking bitch!!!!”
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God Bless…
Mick.
“For anyone considering steroid use” this is a must read…
Layman’s Guides to Steroids I and II
WARNING: Do not read this unless you are ready to gain some serious lean muscle…
Layman’s Guides to Steroids III (new)